caudelac: (wide awake.)
Hopefully, only 2 more weeks of the unrelenting nausea before the placenta takes over and the morning sickness lessens.

caudelac: (cannondrag)
I wrote today. Didn't finish anything, but I wrote. Made some progress on research for a story where Europe was too busy dealing with too many Giants to become colonists, and so the African Empires were the first to cross the Atlantic, and intermingled with the native Americans.

Also flailed. Flailing is a thing. The problem with having so many projects to finish is that determining priority is hard, frustrating, and makes me want to cry. Ah well.

I shall gnaw on forward, through, and yes.
caudelac: (tokyo SMASH!!!)
So, back at wukr today. Still, one of the similarities between working at home and working at wukr is the sheer amount of crap (or classic, whichever) netflix instant movies I wind up consuming. Yesterday's fare being Time Bandits, which I need to watch again because I kept getting distracted, and 2012. And here you learn one of my guilty secrets-- I am a sucker for Disaster movies.

Dunno what it is-- the tension, the resource scarcity, the chance to see people finding sudden and clever ways to survive when their normal tools are taken from them-- something like those. I suspect it's the same thing that made me love Island of the Blue Dolphins, Julie of the Wolves, My Side of the Mountain, The Swiss Family Robinson and the first book of The Boxcar Children when I was younger. Alors.

Let's put aside the completely shitty science for a sec, because really, you've got to. The science isn't the festive part of this film, which really wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Now admittedly, I was expecting Armageddon or Volcano levels of awful. And really, when it comes to disaster movies, you can expect the same CGI explosions and terrain destruction, with varying levels of technical acumen, no matter what. The good stuff is in the ancillary goodies. And it's here that 2012 kind of rocks. (And yes, the stuff below the cut is ALL SPOILERS ALL THE TIME. You have been warned.)

What life lessons, for example, can we glean from this hollywood blockbuster? )

So anyway, about [ profile] yuletide. This year, I am actually happier with all of the reading I have done than what I wrote, and I didn't do any yuletide madness. Oh well.

I will belatedly link my own gift story, The Point of Keys, which is really splendid Mirrormask Genfic, done with completely original characters, set in the world. My prompt was what a "normal" day in the mask world was like, and this is what I got. Also, check out her photoshop art for it, which I liked very much, and gives a lovely image of the protagonist. My yuletide Santa is awesome, and I am delighted.

I am disinclined to do recs, considering the absolute flood of them on the community, but I will say that I've read some simply wonderful fics this year, and I'm way stunned by the quality.

And now, I should actually do some work, hien?

caudelac: (wide awake.)
Ohjoy I am still sick!

Now, the crown to the sick is my back deciding yesterday to Just Die. Like, walking is bad times sort of death. Like, sciatica relapse sort of death. So I am stretching and making friends with the heating pad and trying not to cry and all. Also wukring from home. because why wouldn't I be?

On the other hand, this is a great time to hit me with any bad news at all, because I am pretty effing miserable and so don't have a good mood to ruin.
caudelac: (Agrippa is.)
So here I am at 29,000 feet, my ears painfully plugged in spite of my chewing gum because I have an awful cold and fever, and I am on teh freakin' intarwebs.

Dude. It's the effing future.
caudelac: (irony)

I believe in luck, you know. Quite strongly, in fact. I believe that sometimes cumstances conspire to do things that are good or bad or annoying or useful or seemingly random but not really. I believe that these things are put in front of us-- I am not talking about the things we do, or how we react to them, but the things themselves-- because they are funny. Looked at correctly, they are stupid hysterical. Ironies are funny, even if you are the one at their mercy.

That is how I feel today. A listing ship in a sea of hilariously conditional good luck. Well, and a huge piece of bad that is probably my fault, but hell if I know what I did to fuck up my back /now/.

You know, I would probably eat popcorn at my own execution.

Posted via

caudelac: (wide awake.)
It seems that I have managed to accomplish not a few things that I had no intention of accomplishing, and have utterly failed at everything I had planned to do. Except packing for Eclipse. Mostly.

Ah well. At least I have a lot of clean laundry.

Today has been a day of a whole lot of mostly harmless and/or niggling yet annoying fail. On a better note, I have completely failed to be bothered by such. So that's all right. Vlad Taltos and I cannot be bothered by the fail.

And now that my itouch is synched, I shall go see if there are any of my cowukrs still at the Bull McCabe.
caudelac: (a wreck on the reef)
I sits me down with Lady May, gives her a hard, steady look. Meet my eyes, May, this is serious.

"Now, I want you to understand that this isn't a personal thing. I just want to make you aware of a... redundancy in your department."

May stiffens a little, her pink fingernails curl up under her palms. I take a deep breath.

"I know, it's been your way to mess with my life as best as possible-- and you generally do a fantastic job. We're really amazed at your performance... and I mean that. You're incredible."

She hasn't relaxed, of course. The invisible Other Shoe is floating in anticipation of the drop, and we both know it.

"It's just that this year, April has tripled your previous productivity. When it comes to Fucking Shit Up, Making Things Difficult, Ruining Everything, she's pulled some serious overtime. You have to hand it to April... she's really busted her ass around here. And now that your shift is on, well, I'm going to have to ask you... that is..."

Her eyes are big now, she almost looks like she's going to cry. I don't want to show weakeness but there's this lump in my throat, and she sees me swallow it, hard.

"...I need you to pass a memo to the rest of the months of this year too. Bullshit Department is being shut down. You're all being reassigned. Especially Specific Days of Annual WTFery. Further drama is cancelled. Is that... is that okay? Can you handle that? It's not that I don't appreciate the work you've done here..."

She exhales, looking out of the window, and I can't read her expression. I can't say anything else to her, and I don't think she'll hear anything else from me. And I think of how I could have phrased everything better, all the things I wish that I had said differently, done differently, but it is what it is, and it's right the hell now.

I guess we'll see how she does in the next few weeks.
caudelac: (*facepalm*)
good news: I have two new tires on my car!

bad news: I ought to have suspected a problem when I realised that both new tires were on the back-- usually, they put the best tires on the front. The plan being that I would keep the best two of the old ones and replace them in a week or two, next paycheck.

So clearly, they did not check the old tires thoroughly enough, because the tire on the front driver side has the steel belting fibery-ness sticking out all the way around on the inside of the tire-- as I discovered when I heard that alarming knocking as I got up to speed on the ride home. I pulled over to check, and sure enough... fortunately, the tire is still holding air in, but I rather... prayed a lot, till I was finally at the abode. Fortunately, I think my spare is still in better shape than this tire, and I should be able to change it when I get a chance. However, I am... rather extremely annoyed that when I asked the guy, "will these older tires last me another couple weeks?" He was apparently just being concilitory. While I don't like to be sold things I don't need, I would also like to be told if, y'know, I really do need something else, seriously, this is bloody unsafe otherwise. ><

Anyway, as there's pretty much no possible way I can get that car back to Cary for the time being (until and unless I can get the spare back on), I will probably get my next two tires elsewhere.

In the meantime, trying to convince this sore throat to go away, like it did yesterday, and not come back this time. Seasonal Respiratory Gunk for the win!

Anyway, my solution to all of this is Ramen, a just completed call to my mother to whine for a bit, and a large mug of tea with honey in and also Paladin of Souls by Lois McMaster Bujold which I am happily re-enjoying.

Oh yes-- and the pleasant glow of the Channaukah lights. This too is a lovely thing.
caudelac: (wide awake.)
Still fever'd.

Obeying doctor and staying home. Got no sleep last night due to aches and being overwarm, in spite of having just a sheet.

Good night.
caudelac: (Default)
I would like to do the Makin' stuff! Meme that everyone is doing, but I know myself, and I am notoriously bad at actually fulfilling those. That is to say, I forget these things, too much.

Yes, I watched it yesterday. Snow meant that home was had by all my wukr, and that was good.

Today: my kingdom for an antihistamine. I r not mr people. Is wukr. Not people.

That is all.
caudelac: (wide awake.)
Have a fever. They have a fever too. The poison food perhaps was only the catalyst, or else I had the flu to begin with.

Was going to take day off Friday for brakes-doing. Still have to get the other half of the brakes done-- wanted to get in today, but the mechanic is full-- will probably find way to get into wukr though. PTO is a terrible thing to waste.

caudelac: (catharsis)
Food poisoned. LAME.

The best part is-- and this is where you all fall over rolling around with laughter at the utter fail-- that I threw my back out while retching.

Seriously. At this point, I almost don't notice the feeling sick, because my back is fucking BROKEN.


But here, If laughing didn't hurt, this would make me less sick.
caudelac: (snape = darksidelove.)

I may not have Tb, but I have some other horrible wasting disease. Bugger. Bugger, cough, and hack. The Other is being terribly sweet and making things like tea and soup. Missed out on extra temp job today from sickness, but is all right.

Cats make cute couch decorations. Birds are confused by ice falling from the sky, and I...

I am enjoying Nick Mamatas's book Move Under Ground, in point of fact, and typing the random contents of loose pieces of paper into Microsoft One Note.
caudelac: (a wreck on the reef)
So, among my new years resolutions, one of 'em I think is going to be content. You know, actually having some, apart from random links for great lulz. Not that there's anything wrong with lulz, of course. But they aren't everything.

I don't really like talking much about what's going on in my life anymore, especially when it's in a state of flux, like right now. Suffice it to say I was working at a dog kennel and quit cause I was sick of working a shit job for shit pay where I literally got to spend all my days dealing with-- you guessed it-- animal shit. No thanks.

So now I'm with a Temp Agency more Chapel Hill ways, and am apparently going to start a 2-3 month long job with UNC medical for substantially more monies. So that's all right.

Also, the other resolution that I hope I'll keep is the one about writing. Writing more, all the time, just to make sure I do it. Collaborative writing is still good and going very well in fact, but for the rest... I was trying to write... you know, for stuff, but that hasn't worked at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. So now I mean to just write, or try to write, more like I used to.

We'll see what that translates into for this forum, but... well yeah.
caudelac: (yackety schmackety.)
Reading stuffs about holocaust revisionists = FUN.

Remind me not to do it in the future. Among other things, it turns my dreams into lovely carnivals of hate.

Hm, I almost wrote cardinals of hate.

I'm gonna go to the grocery store before... anything happens.
caudelac: (wide awake.)
Everyone I know is at DragonCon.

I am not at DragonCon.

I am annoyed that the LJ HTML editor puts automatic <p> tags instead of <br> tags with a carriage return these days,
And that there is a guy on a ladder outside,
Painting the bedroom window.

I want to play moar videeo gamez, plz.
caudelac: (givin it up)
Well, I go back to work tomorrow. Part time. Learnin' Quick Books, Bosslady-stylez.

Forgive me for not leaping for joy, bad back you know.

Not that I like being unemployed... no wait, that's pretty much the problem. I really like being unemployed. I do, however, miss paychecks. And I suppose it's not so much not knowing what I want to do, but having trouble reconciling with that I need to do to slog through the two and a half years before I can seriously consider doing what I want to do, long term.

I feel like a bad person. I ought to be grateful and/or happy or something. I mean, I'm only going back 20 hours and I get to keep my benefits anyway and I can still look for something else and, and...

and yeahwhatever.

Back to watching mind-numbing bankruptcy video with horrendous acting.
caudelac: (bunny in a black hat)
After spending hours staring at livejournal, she supposed she ought to post.

So she posted.

Made $20 for depression in the blogathon!


This is the beginning of the second week of my unemployment, and.

What on earth did I do with Camille & Max?


The trouble is, see, I am not depressed because I have no job. I don't want one, you see. And I am depressed by the necessity of finding one, and the fear that it will be like all the others; a gateway to exhaustion and misery. I should enjoy this while it lasts.

While it lasts.

caudelac: (angst.)
ugh. So tired I can't think. So tired of not being able to think.

So glad i got drugs.

Chiropractors suck.

Annoyed with world.

Good night.

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